The Last Good Day

Christa Doran Uncategorized 39 Comments

“A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That’s how awful the loss is.” -Ronald Reagan There are many events I imagined planning for Lea when I …

Days

Christa Doran Uncategorized 97 Comments

There are times in life when the highest honor, the greatest love is paid to another by simply bearing witness to his or her experience. Bearing witness is largely nonverbal. It is the choice to give the gift of a pure expression of love and respect — being a compassionate observer to the unfolding of another person’s life or a …

The Darkest Night

Christa Doran Uncategorized 81 Comments

Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness yet still become something beautiful. It was even harder than I imagined it would be. It was the day I had been dreading since the told us of her diagnosis in August. It was the day they tell us that this is it. The monster …

Eyelash Wishes

Christa Doran Uncategorized 35 Comments

Lea was curled up on our oversized khaki sofa, the place she had been for the majority of the past two weeks thanks to yet another unsuccessful steroid wean. Her head was nestled in my arm as two thick, black eyelashes sat on my index finger. You get two wishes Lea! One for each eyelash. I wish Pippi Longstockings was …

The Bleeding Heart

Christa Doran Uncategorized 11 Comments

The wound is where the light enters you Rumi We have a table of family photos that sits behind the couch in our living room. Today I went in and noticed one photo had fallen over. I picked it up and my face softened as five faces smiled joyfully back at me. It was one of my all time favorite …

I surrender

Christa Doran Uncategorized 12 Comments

She never seemed shattered; to me, she was a breathtaking mosaic of the battles she’s won.  -Matt Baker One of my all time favorite photos of my “squad” popped up today as Lea was being sedated for her fifth MRI in six months. A lot can change in a year I thought to myself as I sat in the same …

The Pit

Christa Doran Uncategorized 11 Comments

“What can I get you to drink?” “I’ll have a wine… actually, I’ll have a vodka soda please.” Something stronger, to numb the pain… I thought to myself as we sat at dinner, just ten minutes after finding out Lea’s tumor is growing. “Progressing,” as they call it. As a strength coach, I use the word progress a lot. Progress …

Maybe.

Christa Doran Uncategorized 26 Comments

“Big parts of us got broken, of our hearts, minds and beings. Yet we keep getting up, lurching on. We dance with limps.” -Anne Lamott This morning I woke up with a sense of heaviness and sadness. I wished I could pull the warm covers over my head and go back to sleep. There are mornings, like today, when I …

From scratch

Christa Doran Uncategorized 13 Comments

And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!” And each day it’s up to you to yank your hand back to your heart and say, “No. This is what’s important.” -Iain Thomas My eyes lit …

White Denim Regret & A New Year

Christa Doran Uncategorized 29 Comments

Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness yet become something beautiful. In my opinion, a snow day is the perfect opportunity to organize all things you just never seem to have the time to. I approached the pile of clothes hidden in the corner of my laundry room with vigor. You will …