Chocolate Stains & Clinical Trials

Christa Doran Uncategorized 3 Comments

Lea dripped ice cream over my bright white duvet cover months ago during one of our many middle of the night steroid feeds. Back when she still needed ice cream to get the four small white pills down. Back when this was all fresh and new, but no less scary than it is today. Back when we didn’t have an …

Hydrangeas and Gaping Holes

Christa Doran Uncategorized 19 Comments

Disclosure: This blog was written from a time when I “go dark” as I call it. A time where it is hard for me to find joy and happiness and sorrow seems to swallow me whole. Some stories are shared from a place of joy and light, but this post is not one of them.  When we moved into our …

Honeymoon for Five

Christa Doran Uncategorized 6 Comments

The Bob Marley Pandora station plays through the speakers of our white rental car, as we drive down 5th avenue in our favorite place, Naples, Florida. “What song is this?” Keira asks, as she always does with her curious three year old mind. “A lie” I mutter, just loud enough for Mike to hear and respond with a comment. The song …

Monsters & Miracles

Christa Doran Uncategorized 21 Comments

I walked down the stairs and found my mom curled up in the chair of our living room, as I usually do on weekday mornings. This morning I could tell something was different. “Grandma died last night.” We all knew this was coming, it was no shock or surprise, but I still shed tears for a woman I have known …

Resilience and Reminders

Christa Doran Uncategorized 1 Comment

Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.  -Bernard Williams What is happening around the world seems to match what is happening in our own lives. At times you feel hopeless, the darkness and sadness seems to swallow you whole, and you mourn the loss. This post is not about the mourning or the tears, but about …

Just Keep Swimming

Christa Doran Uncategorized 2 Comments

The Smilow Cancer Hospital Radiation department has the biggest fish tank in the hospital. I wish I was still blissfully unaware of this “fun fact” but the truth is, I see this fish tank five days a week. Today is not a good day for me and I wish I could trade places with the fish I am gazing at …

Brides and Braids

Christa Doran Uncategorized 3 Comments

There’s my bride! Mike jokingly exclaimed as I entered “his side” of our gym early Saturday morning. Oh yea, today is our anniversary… I mumbled as the athletes in the room clapped for us and Mike made another joke about the past eleven years being all rainbows and bliss. Eleven years ago I stood on the alter in my satin …

Salty

Christa Doran Uncategorized 26 Comments

My salty tears matched that of the salty water, just steps away from my feet on what looked like a perfect weekend.  If you didn’t know our current situation, one might glance at the picture above and only see the amazing landscape, beautiful sunshine, salt water, good wine, plentiful food and loving family. Now all I see is a family …

Stolen Joy

Christa Doran Uncategorized 7 Comments

Today, the weather matched my mood. Gray and stormy, with the occasional rain shower. Last night I was searching for an “official” explanation for DIPG and below it several questions were listed. What is the survival rate for DIPG? Don’t click it. You don’t want to read that. Click. Scan. Gut drop. 2%. 98% of kids with DIPG die within …

Missed Trips & Finding Joy

Christa Doran Uncategorized 8 Comments

My fingertips glided along the mouse of my MacBook Air as I scanned the long list of emails that filled my inbox. What did I miss…. I asked myself as I went back to the date before this awful journey began. The past (almost) month has been quite a blur. Combine that with receiving the most emails, texts and social …